High school just ended for me, meaning two major things: all the side characters in my school life have exited stage left, & I never had a proper graduation. Sure, I'm still doing online classes, but for most of us, the reality has set in. School's out, on to college now.
In terms of relationships, there is a question of how many of us will stay in touch and who'll be invited to our weddings in the next decade. For the lucky majority of us, our biggest worries are clinging to our best friends who will be doing the same to us.
Now of course, it is possible that maybe, just maybe- you'd rather distance yourself from couple people who you've realized you'd be better without. Leaving for college becomes a blessing and you pray they'll be too busy to keep in touch. You feel a sense of relief.. but also a lot of guilt.
How do you recognize a toxic situation? How do you notice that maybe you've matured and need a different set of friends?
It's little things as well as big things- do you feel like you can have a good, long conversation with them about something interesting? do they support and encourage you sincerely? do they compliment you? The issue is, if you're still reading this but you can't come up with any proper answers, its probably your intuition telling you that something's up and you need to take action. that feeling saying something feels wrong about this relationship is your biggest indicator that something needs to change.
Heres a few questions you should ask yourself.
what are your conversations like? are they bland? do they focus on something the other is interested in most of the time?
have you noticed them compete with you? do they try outdo what you do? do you feel like you are constantly trying to one up each other?
do you get nervous or anxious when they seem to be in a bad mood? do you feel a sense of dread when they text you?
are they open about themselves with you? can you be open with them? do you feel judged?
how much do you really have in common? can you see the friendship progress in the future? are you happy in their company?
do they put you down intentionally/unintentionally? do the things they say hurt you most of the time? do you feel like you minimize yourself every time you interact with them?
do they use you as a backup friend? do they exclude you from plans or group events? do you feel left out constantly?
are you literally just happier with other people and feel like this person/these people are draining your energy?
Hopefully, these questions helped you make up your mind as to whether you're in a toxic situation or not.
Moving out of this part of our lives is no doubt going to be difficult; do not waste your time trying to accommodate people who you have outgrown, but remember to be healthy with it. Cutting people off is never a problem solver- its better to let it happen gradually until you are at a happy distance. Of course, distancing should be your last option- if you've tried to talk to them about how you feel about the friendship and not much changed, thats when you know to pack your bags and find somewhere else to go.
On the flip side, if you feel one of your friends distancing themselves and you feel as though you'd really prefer if they didn't- maybe it's time to study yourself and consider why they might be doing so. a flaw one person sees may be a virtue to someone else- this sort of thing is extremely personal. you don't get to choose whether you're hurting someone or not; if they're hurt, they are hurt. If the distancing friend has already spoken to you about issues with your friendship and you've tried to make the changes, maybe spark the conversation again to come to a mutual understanding.
the end of our time at highschool is presenting us with a clean slate.
take advantage of that to make yourself happier.
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