Advocating for equality between the sexes is a stranger fight than it should be. Who would have thought saying "Treat us equally, please." would have such an impact on a society who swears there is either no injustice- or that the injustice is perfectly reasonable.
In particular, though, I'm going to talk about how men's rights need to be advocated for too. Yes, that's right; I believe men shouldn't have to be the breadwinners of the family. I believe that men should be allowed to express emotion, I believe men should feel more comfortable reaching out for help. They should be able to wear whatever they like! Yep, its almost like... I'm a feminist that believes toxic masculinity is one of the worst side effects of the patriarchy.
My favorite part about talking to men about feminism is watching them dig themselves into little shallow graves; I'll say "Rape culture is sickening and the violence against women should be stopped, it's ridiculous how I can't-"
and they'll cut me off (of course) with "MEN GET ASSAULTED TOO! WOMEN CAN BE ABUSERS TOO!"
and I'll sit there with tired eyes and a fried brain. I think it's my favorite because they really believe they're making exceptionally strong points.
So, to all the men (and to the self hating women that say these things too): here is how to not out yourself as a misogynistic pile of trash!
Firstly, let's analyse the context. When are you making these comments that women can be horrible and that men can be assaulted as well? Is it when you are advocating for the safety of men in violent situations? Is it when you are advocating for the destruction of toxic masculinity? Or is it when a woman is advocating for her own right to safety from harm?
To put it plainly; are you really talking about men's safety issues, or are you trying to take the spotlight off the issues women face? If you only talk about men's issues when women are speaking about theirs, that might give away the fact you hate women. Try not to do this.
Secondly, let's look at your sentence structure. Men do get assaulted, women can be abusers. The inclusion of "too" or even "as well" further takes away from the main problem. your sentence should be: Men get assaulted. Women can be abusers. Now think, does this sentence fit into the conversation? Does it seem relevant to the situation? Why are you choosing this specific moment to say this sentence? In most cases, it's said to make it seem like the issue is not exclusive to women; is this your main point? If yes, you do not really care about violence towards men. It just means you are apathetic towards violence towards women. And also, women can be abusers. Is this the correct thing to tell a woman who is talking about assault she has faced? The use of this sentence implies the fact she was assaulted is justified because another woman has done something equally bad to a man. Try not to do this.
Now that we're all done with that, let's talk about the patriarchy. I'm going to say this once: all the things men claim are oppressive towards them are the side effects of the same established system feminism is trying to destroy. The pressure men feel to be dominant in all forms, the idea that men must provide, the way men 'cannot wear makeup or girls clothes'. Hate to break it to you buddy, you can thank the patriarchy for that, not feminism. Feminism is equality between the sexes, nothing more, nothing less.
So; why are men not placed on the same level as women within the movement itself? Why is it feminism and not a neutral term? Why not just say equality?
Because the patriarchy is systematically sexist towards women, and women are the ones who have to actively climb to the top, to stand beside men. Now you might think, ah but men are suffering too, so are they not also climbing to the top? You'd think so, but no. You guys are actually working on coming down off a very high horse, to meet women on the same level. Issues men are face the result of being put on a pedestal; women are the opposite.
Just remember. This is not oppression olympics. There is no need to paint yourself a victim when you can paint yourself to be a hero instead. Seriously, think about that. Why go out of your way to plead powerlessness when you can place that same effort in actually doing something to fix your cause?
I will leave you with that, have a good day!
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